"It is rare, indeed, to have parents outraged—  outraged I tell you!—that the President of the United States of America is going to give a speech to their children about staying in school. We have had presidential fitness programs, and presidential drug programs. Talking to schoolchildren has been, over the course of our esteemed republic, one of the very least controversial things a president can possibly do. It is less controversial than kissing a baby, which could get you branded a pedophile. It is infinitely less controversial than inviting someone over for a beer, in which case the leader of the free world runs the risk of choosing the wrong beer, thus proving himself to hate America, or a given state in America, or to be on the wrong side of the decades-long battle between less filling and tastes great. That said, America has a robust and colorful history of parents pulling their children out of school to prevent them from being exposed to a black person — far more history of that than of being outraged—outraged I tell you!— at exposing children to their President. It is unclear what, exactly, terrifies them so much. From the level of drama, one can only presume that Obama will be reading passages from the fabled Negronomicon"